Spring is in the air! The dice are polished, cards are sorted and we got ourselves a new season on the horizon, which means we need some rankings of power! So I'm firing up my Commodore PET that I bought at Caldor....Caldor, the official sponsor of the preseason Power Rankings.
Alright, booting up the Power Ranker 5000 program so we can figure out which teams theoretically are better than which other teams in a virtually meaningless hierarchy for the season at hand. So, let's kick the tires and light the fires! You got the appeteasers, now it's time for the meat and potaters...and away we go!
11) Sammer Orioles- Well, someone has to be at the bottom of the heap, and this week those someones are the Sammer Orioles. Look, the good thing is, from this spot there's only one way to go, right?! Up, I'm talking about up, being that direction in which they can go.
Early projections have Baltimore being more like Balti-less on offense, am I right? No? Okay, well drafting three outfielders in the first four picks certainly left some scrambling to fill out the rest of the offense and it shows. Hendrick, Moreno, Valentine and Griffey are a very good core four, but can they carry an offense? They're gonna have to have strong backs to carry Aurelio "A-Rod" Rodriguez, Rich Dauer "Power" and "The Gnat" Larry Bowa. Let's just say that gnat gonna have to be hella pesky to propel this offense.
Defensively on the other hand, this team is legit. First base is the only defensive liability, in a way, as it's the easiest position on the field. Being bad at first base is like being the fattest kid at fat camp...everyone's fat, who cares? Pass the bleu cheese. But seriously the Os don't look like they'll be giving up a lot of extra chances to their opponents and don't even think about running on them. Don't do it.
Somehow this is turning into the opposite of a crap sandwich, because we're up to the pitching staff and it's looking pretty Grimsley. Ross Grimsley that is. Ross joins a barbershop quartet of pitching despair on the Os staff, with Geoff Zahn, "The Ruler" Vern Ruhle and "Carvin'" Jerry Garvin, who are front runners for the Sigh Young Award. No one stands out for the pen, except for maybe Tippy Martinez, but his 25 innings aren't too scary. That being said, Jim Palmer looks good at the front of that rotation...
It's very early, and with some savvy moves and gutsy managing there's no telling where these birds can fly! In fact, we have footage of Sammer doing some scouting down in Central America...
He seems to be handling the teams early ranking very well. A class act through and through.
10) Archer Pirates- Those who forget the past, are doomed to let them eat cake. Marlon Brando said that, I think. Anyways, sorry to say that the 77 Pirates are looking to have some scary similarities to the 98 Expos team that missed the playoffs.
Last season, and this should give many people hope or at least comfort, the Expos came out of the draft as the Power Ranker 7500's (remember it was 1998) #1 team and that aged like a fine avocado. Look, the pop, the offense, those what-have-yous are certainly there, though only two 77 Buccos are predicted to top 10 homers this season. One of those fellas will be key, and that is "The Bull" Greg Luzinski who will be a menace and can change any game with one swing of the bat. Plus with the likes of Rod Carew and Ron Leflore hitting ahead of him, he should have some ducks on the pond. This is not the kind of R & R that opposing pitchers want. Carew and Ron LeFlore though will also represent the biggest threats on the basepaths, but how aggressive will they be with The Bull waiting in the wings? Well, the Power Ranker has this as the current #3 offense in the league and that ain't too shabby! But let's get shabby and talk about the Buccos defense and pitching.
The defense, to use some Strat terminology, is a bit dicey. This isn't to say there are no bright spots, the addition of "Dewey" Evans provides some great outfield defense, but with just under 6 ABs per series, he will need to be deployed in the best spots. Now, the Pirates also have defense at one of the keyest of positions, shortstop. Yes, Ivan de Jesus, otherwise known as the "Santurce Superstar"...probably...will be manning short. This offers similar defense at short to both World Series combatants from the 98 season... so there's that. Other than that, you got Rod Carew's nice first base defense and then it's a mish-mash of 3s and 4s. Now you can get by with those numbers if your pitching can really carry you, but that's not what we're fixin' to see in Allegheny County.
Okay, let's start with some positives here. The back end of the bullpen is pretty solid. "Guiller-Moe" Hernandez, Dave "Tom-Tom" Tomlin and Joe "K-Gun" Kerrigan arenice haves, and managed correctly, with maybe another strong middle reliever, can shorten games to six innings, which is good, because the rotation is not intimidating. Dave "Rosey" Rozema, is pretty underrated even when he looks sort of like Tony Danza, through a blurred 70s lens.
A-o, o-a, I'll take the gabagool! Later he'd look more like he was prepping to enter a Bruce McGill look-a-like contest.
Also, he will later join one-time teammate Kirk Gibson marrying sisters, JoAnn and Sandy Sklarski in a double ceremony at Grosse Pointe Memorial Church in Grosse Pointe Farms, Michigan.
Anyways, then you got Joe Coleman who has some nice limited innings, but after that it could be some wild ups and downs, from the Buccos starters, and they are gonna need some help from the defense with one of the lowest projected strikeout rates in the league. Could it be another season of missing the playoffs? That may be a one-way ticket to the Arch of Darkness.
9) Zach Iowa Phillies- Oh Zach Attack. Well, you hate to see the Power Ranker 5000 picking on a new guy, but the Phightins should just see that as added motivation, right? Again, we can not reiterate enough that the rankings are based solely on a program in which numbers are input and in no way represent the feelings or thoughts of the messenger, er author.
Moving on though...the Phils offense doesn't project to do much Phightin at the moment, ranking only slightly higher than the previously discussed Os offense. Al "A.C" Cowens and "The Hawk" will be leading this offense, but they don't look to have much pop elsewhere. That being said this team has alright OBP and some speed to burn, so we'll see how aggressive Elsbecker will be on the bases. When looking up the meaning of the name Elsbecker we find this:
Well, what I take is that Elsbecker will be a fair and just trade partner, but also don't be fooled by his look of playful elegance and safety...he may be ready to run all over you on the diamond!
Defensively this team on the surface looks pretty put together, but the depth could hurt them on getaway days. However, that's only a minor problem on that side of the ball. With an up the middle combo of "The Immaculate" Concepcion and "Hoover" White not many teams are sneaking balls through that infield! Which is gonna be helpful to an already decent pitching staff!
We can start with the ace of the staff, Dennis Leonard, but there's not really much to say here that you don't already know. The dude is dominant and a front runner for the Cy Young Award. But after that is what could be a vey decent starting rotation- ya got Stanley "Steamer", ya got one of the league leaders in pop-outs induced and "anti-feminist" remarks, Bob "Bobby" Knepper, ya got the "Swift Current Slinger" himself, Reggie Cleveland and Larry Christenson
I mean he looks like a TV Evangelist, how could you go wrong?!
Can the pitching, defense and speed (not just on the basepaths) help the Phils rocket up the rankings? We'll have to wait and see, but with a Philly underdog up for an Oscar as the 77 season starts, this could be the year for the City of Brotherly Love or Iowa!
We'll start with the offense, which we right now have rated a strong #5 in the league. This team is a calvacade of power (that might be a good band name, hmmm) with some big honking sluggers. This team is third as far as home runs drafted, which is certainly something. Looks a little like the Indians want to use the "pitching and three-run homer" strategy...minus the pitching, but we'll get there. Anyways, this team will be on base a ton this season, it looks like which is a recipe for some darned peskiness! "Stretch", "The Little General" and "Charlie Hustle" are just the tip of the offense iceberg, because they also have one of the best hitters against righties, in Reggie Smith. But is it offense that wins championships? Well, the '98 champs sported one of the worst offenses in the league, soooo?
Folks, love the "Candyman" pickup. and John Urrea is a very nice get indeed and if utilized well can be a game changer. Does he start or go to the pen, though? Because the 'pen is a little light other than Ken Forsch and and the underrated Paul Reuschel. The Tribe are still on the lookout for bullpen arms I am sure, but there aren't a ton of standout arms there to shorten games at this time. How will Uncle Jitter and the Indians fans get through what could be some shaky pitching outings?
That's all the time we have for today, but tune in shortly for more Power Rankings to come!
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